Are you ready to start dating again?
I recently spoke with some friends about “getting back on the horse”. That is, perhaps your newly single after being in a relationship/partnership or marriage for years. So, your beginning to dip your toe in, perhaps, the whole foot or leg. Here are some things to consider…
1.) Pay attention to what YOU want. Now is the perfect time to ask yourself, “what do I want?” Maybe it’s a casual dating experience that is more of a dinner/movie/coffee type of thing. Perhaps you want something even more casual. Or maybe you don’t want anything yet. Listen to what your gut says and clarify your goals. Know what you want. If you are thinking, “but I don’t know what I want.” Then wait a while till you have an idea of what you’d like to try. It’s okay to wait, even if people are telling you it’s time to date again, even if people are asking you out. Wait till you know what you want and can ask for it.
2.) Stay in the moment. Anxiety and stress is what takes you out the date. If you find yourself getting jittery, sweaty, or feeling nervous, wiggle your toes. It’s the furthest place on your body from you head and thought process. I hear all the time, “I just couldn’t stop thinking” or “I was just SO in my head”. Take a deep breath, feel your lungs expand and contract, wiggle your toes again and focus on your breath. Pay attention to how your drink tastes, how your food feels in your mouth, feel your body on the chair. Listen to the conversation your partner is having with you. These are all little ways to stay in the moment. More ways to practice being in the moment is: yoga, thai chi, meditation and practicing mindfulness.
3.) Be safe! Don’t forget to use protection if you decide to become intimate with your partner(s). Condoms, both male and female are the only ways to be sure you are protecting yourself from STDs and STIs. Get yourself tested after every new partner. Talk to your partners about their test results and safe sex. The more we all talk about it, the less taboo the topic will be.
Is there more going on for you? Do you need someone to talk to about dating again? Call Tali Boots LPC @ 512 766-7789. I work with individuals and couples who wish to explore their relationships and sexual experiences. Some areas I treat are: sexual libido, performance issues, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, painful intercourse, vaginismus, sex while pregnant and after baby, sexual trauma, KINK aware, BDSM aware, poly relationships and non-traditional relationships, and transgender therapy including letters for referrals for hormones and surgery (following the WPATH requirements). I have diplomate status with the American Board of Sexology.