Sex After a Baby.

I have had 2 babies (now 5 & 3) and have quite a few friends who have had babies recently. Having a baby is life changing. They now take up your entire day, whether you are a stay at home parent or you go to work. You think about them all day, you pay for them to go to the best day care or you sacrifice your vocational development to stay home with them. So on top of all these stressors, what’s going on with your sex life? You might be asking yourself, “What sex life?” I know the doctor says to abstain from intercourse for 6 weeks postpartum, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a little oral, mutual masturbation or perhaps masturbation alone. But do you even want to? The thought of sex might give you anxiety. It could even feel like something you need to do for your partner in order to keep them happy.

You are not alone. This is a common complaint from new moms and dads. First, your body has changed after having a baby and your hormones may be the cause of it. Your estrogen and progesterone are low which could cause you to become more dry than normal, making sex painful. Estrogen and testosterone are what fuels your libido and there are a lack of these after the birth of a child and during the time you’re breastfeeding. But note, that even if you are not breastfeeding, your hormones will take a while to get back to their normal levels. Second, you’re most likely not getting enough sleep. And when you finally get the little person down, do you really want to give up your precious minutes of sleep for sex? Third, your body isn’t the same. You’ve got all this skin, even if your fortunate enough to have lost the baby weight, nothing is in the same spot as before. If your breastfeeding, your nipples are incredibly sensitive and maybe even “off limits.” I could keep going on with a fourth, fifth, tenth, and twentieth. Sex after a baby can be difficult and even painful.

So why is it that when women have a lot on their plates (job, house, babies, husbands, not to mention taking care of ourselves) feel drained and the LAST thing on their minds is sex, but when men are tense sex is something that they NEED to distress from their busy day? How do we come to a happy medium? Where’s the in between?

I had a friend who described it as an up and down process. Initially, the first few days, she felt incredibly frisky. With such a big flush of hormones, it was on her mind all day. This only lasted a couple days. Then came months and months of no desire. None. She felt tired all the time. Whenever she had a moment to herself, that’s what she wanted, time to herself. Then came the 6-week mark. She said engaged in intercourse because she felt she needed to make an effort in the marriage to keep her sex life alive. It’s something she has to work on daily, weekly and monthly. She still goes through periods where she does not feel interested in sex, but once the action gets going, it becomes a pleasurable experience. I’m not saying this is how it is for most women. Every woman is different and their struggles and how they choose to cope with them are different too. I feel that sex (and not just intercourse) is an important part of each relationship in order to maintain intimacy as a couple.

So, time for my advice. TALK about IT. Skip cleaning up the kitchen for the night, put the little one to bed, avoid the TV and go to bed to talk with your partner about where your sex life is and where you’d like it to be. Tell him/her what you need, how you’re feeling, what is going on for you down there, why you don’t feel up to it at times, etc. Be genuine, be sweet and forgiving, be understanding, be real and be honest. This conversation doesn’t mean you’re having sex tonight, but maybe it does. Recognize that you both might have different needs and they might not be matching up right now, but that compromise is possible. Read this blog with your partner.

If you feel like you have too much on your plate, ask your partner for more help. You’ll be surprised how much more interested in sex you may be after your partner makes you dinner AND cleans up.  If sex has been painful for you recently, take a trip to the local novelty store and invest in some good lube. If you can’t find a sitter, order it on Amazon. Take it slow; take time to ease into the sexual activity again. And make sure you do all you can to allow time for your endorphins to get going and hopefully have an orgasm or two. Having an orgasm feeds your body with good for you endorphins that will help with your overall mood and even boost your immunity! And lastly, research shows that this can last a year after having you baby. Give your self a break. Give your partner a break. With work and communication, you can get back to “how it used to be.”

If you need more support of education, please join my monthly group addressing sex after you baby. Email me to learn when the next group is: tali@sextherapyofatlanta.com or call 512 766-7789.

Thanks,
Tali Boots, LPC

**** The above blog is the opinion of Tali Boots and should not considered fact.  All data and information provided on this site is for informational purposes only. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this site and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use. All information is provided on an as-is basis. In conclusion, this blog is meant to encourage dialogue, thought and exploration on various topics.

 

Getting back on the horse

Are you ready to start dating again?

I recently spoke with some friends about “getting back on the horse”. That is, perhaps your newly single after being in a relationship/partnership or marriage for years. So, your beginning to dip your toe in, perhaps, the whole foot or leg. Here are some things to consider…

1.) Pay attention to what YOU want. Now is the perfect time to ask yourself, “what do I want?” Maybe it’s a casual dating experience that is more of a dinner/movie/coffee type of thing. Perhaps you want something even more casual. Or maybe you don’t want anything yet. Listen to what your gut says and clarify your goals. Know what you want. If you are thinking, “but I don’t know what I want.” Then wait a while till you have an idea of what you’d like to try. It’s okay to wait, even if people are telling you it’s time to date again, even if people are asking you out. Wait till you know what you want and can ask for it.

2.) Stay in the moment. Anxiety and stress is what takes you out the date. If you find yourself getting jittery, sweaty, or feeling nervous, wiggle your toes. It’s the furthest place on your body from you head and thought process. I hear all the time, “I just couldn’t stop thinking” or “I was just SO in my head”. Take a deep breath, feel your lungs expand and contract, wiggle your toes again and focus on your breath. Pay attention to how your drink tastes, how your food feels in your mouth, feel your body on the chair. Listen to the conversation your partner is having with you. These are all little ways to stay in the moment. More ways to practice being in the moment is: yoga, thai chi, meditation and practicing mindfulness.

3.) Be safe! Don’t forget to use protection if you decide to become intimate with your partner(s). Condoms, both male and female are the only ways to be sure you are protecting yourself from STDs and STIs. Get yourself tested after every new partner. Talk to your partners about their test results and safe sex. The more we all talk about it, the less taboo the topic will be.

 

Is there more going on for you? Do you need someone to talk to about dating again? Call Tali Boots LPC @ 512 766-7789. I work with individuals and couples who wish to explore their relationships and sexual experiences. Some areas I treat are: sexual libido, performance issues, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, painful intercourse, vaginismus, sex while pregnant and after baby, sexual trauma, KINK aware, BDSM aware, poly relationships and non-traditional relationships, and transgender therapy including letters for referrals for hormones and surgery (following the WPATH requirements). I have diplomate status with the American Board of Sexology.

Anniversary Specials Now!— Extended!!!

Extended through October!!! (now expired)

September marked my 4 year anniversary since opening doors in Austin, TX. These 4 years have brought many wonderful memories. I have been able to help and get to know many amazing and special people.

I now have 3 office locations: Austin, TX, Duluth, GA & Brookhaven, GA. And I offer online sex therapy for all of Texas. Wow! What a fun and busy last 4 years! Here’s to another fascinating 4 more.

And just because it’s fun, check out these awesome specials for our anniversary month of September. $120 for an initial apt and $100 for individual follow-ups & $120 for couples. This is for new clients only (But don’t worry, if you are an existing client, you can get this deal by buying in bulk.)

New: Duluth, GA office

Tali Boots is joining Petrichor Counseling LLC!
Call today to schedule a time to see Tali Boots at the new location of Duluth, GA. Serving the Northeast Atlanta communities of Norcross, Duluth, Johns Creek, Lawrenceville, Snellville, Gwinnett Place, Suwanee, Buford, Lilburn and Peachtree Corners.

See www.PetrichorCounseling.com for more details about the fabulous therapists there.

Atlanta Georgia office now open

Tali Boots LPC is now offering in office appointments any day of the week from 9am-5pm. Tali specializes in Sex Therapy and Transgender Therapy.

Sex Therapy: Are you suffering in silence? You don’t need to. If any of these sexual issues ring true for you, call Tali to see if Sex Therapy is a good fit for you.

Painful Intercoarse

Erectile Dysfunction

Inability to reach Orgasm

Premature Ejaculation

Low Libido/Desire

Differing levels of Libido/Desire within a relationship

Questions or concerns within a Non-traditional Relationship

Transgender Therapy: Are you curious about your gender? Want to begin your transition to your true self? Need a safe place to process how you feel about your gender? Confused on whether your gender confusion is because you are trans or if its a sexual fetish? Call Tali today to see if therapy is a good option for you.

Gender Confirming Transitioning

Gender Confusion

Hormone Therapy Referral letters

Surgery Referral letters

Family/Partner therapy Sessions

Call Tali today at 512 766-7789 to schedule an appointment at 2801 Buford Highway NE #501 Atlanta, GA 30329

 

Now accepting Georgia Clients

Tali Boots LPC is now accepting individuals and couples who are interested in Sex Therapy or Transgender Therapy.

Specialty areas include:

Transgender questions or concerns, including transitioning support and referral letters for hormones

Performance issues including: anorgasmia, vaginismus, vulvodynia, erection dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other stress related sexual issues

Relational issues including sexual libido inequality, KINK, BDSM, poly/nontraditional relationships

Tali provides in office counseling at

2751 Buford Hwy NW #501 Atlanta, GA 30324

and online/video therapy to the entire state of Georgia

New Online Sex Therapy Specials

Have you wanted to try online sex therapy or gender therapy?

Now is the time!

Tali Boots LPC is offering the

following packages & discounts:

1. Online therapy for Individuals: Initial Assessment, 4 sessions of follow-up, unlimited text/email support for short questions or concerns*. $500 ($200 discount)

2. Online therapy for Couples: Initial Assessment, Couple assessment- 2 sessions, and 4 follow up sessions and unlimited text/email support for short questions or concerns*. $700 ($280 discount)

3. Online or Phone therapy Quick Q&A with support (for existing clients only)- $2 per minute

4. Single 50 minute online therapy session $140

5. Letter development $35 per 15 minutes

*If the text or email becomes more involved than simple clarity questions or close ended questions, it may be suggested to bring the topic to the next in person session.

**There are some discounted slots available outside of these listed above, please ask.

Sex Therapy Online

Have you wanted to speak with someone about sexual issues that have been on your mind?Perhaps you and your partner have not been connecting in the bedroom lately. Or sometimes when you have sex, it is painful.

Tali Boots LPC, a licensed therapist, is now offering sex therapy online. Why not see your therapist from your kitchen? Your bedroom? Your back porch? Connect with Tali Boots today for an introduction and scheduling.

Also, check out this page for discounts, fees and packages for sex therapy online with Tali Boots.